Here’s how to answer every weird cycling question at the lunch table this Christmas



You brought your bike for Christmas lunch? My grandma asked, baffled as to why my plus-one had two wheels and a carbon seat post, not the strong jawline and rugged good looks she’d hoped for.

Don’t worry, we’ll sleep in separate beds while we’re here, I assured her.

While it’s dangerous to ask your aunt about her new, multi-level marketing scheme and downright scary to ask your cousin if his Richard Spencer-style haircut was an accident, lobbing so what’s with all that spandex anyway? at the cyclist in the room is pretty innocuous.

Which means that this Christmas you’ll probably be pinged with more than your fair share of probing about your beloved hobby.

In the interest of keeping family peace, diverting the “so, have you met any nice men?” questions away from your perpetually single aunt, and possibly even converting some of your loved ones to Team Bike – we urge you to happily answer all your family’s cycling-related queries.

Here’s how to do it both with grace and without. Choose your own adventure.

1. ‘Aren’t you scared of getting hit by a car?’

Answer: Absolutely. But cycling can lower my overall risk of dying from any number of health-related issues, like heart disease. And honestly, I’m sometimes afraid that I’ll go to sleep and never wake up the next morning, but that doesn’t keep me from tucking into bed each night.

If they still won’t drop it: Quote Plato: “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” It won’t really answer their question but everyone will leave the pretentious guy (that’s you) alone for the rest of the night.


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